What a Difference a Year Makes

Today as I was watching conference, I was taken back to a year ago. As you all know, Jordan and I had been trying to have a baby for 22 months at that time. I was heart-broken and depressed after going through several months of failure. We were ready to start IVF in January. At that point I felt like I had reached the end of my rope. Nothing anyone said during conference could give me peace. When President Eyring gave his talk "Where is the Pavilion?" he told the story of his daughter-in-law who had three children but wanted more. At the end of the story, she miraculously ended up pregnant. I remember losing it completely, sobbing that that woman already had three children, and where was my miracle? Jordan tried to comfort me but I felt lost--I didn't know if we would ever have a baby. I just felt so lost and confused. I didn't know why God wouldn't give me a child. I tried to pray for patience, for the ability to be happy while I waited. Maybe my faith wasn't strong enough.

The ironic thing was that I was so upset by President Eyring's story that I completely missed the ending, when he addressed the very thing that I needed to hear.

"Although His time is not always our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps his promises. For any of you who now feel that He is hard to reach, I testify that the day will come that we all will see him face to face."

God's timetable is not ours. Three weeks after that talk by one of the Lord's apostles made me so angry, I found out I was pregnant. It certainly wasn't a prize for being so full of faith. The Lord had a plan for me, and He loves me so much that He still fulfilled His promise, even though at that point I probably didn't deserve it.

I'm trying to think of my point and I guess I don't really have one. I was just reflecting on all this as I was holding my baby boy during conference, when almost exactly a year ago I was almost convinced I would never be able to get pregnant. So I guess the point is, if you are waiting for something good, something the Lord wants you to have, keep waiting. It is SO HARD to wait and we will maybe never understand the Lord's timetable, but He has a reason for all things.